Writing about same-sex marriage is never easy for me. As a gay man it should be rather important to me, and in many ways it is. The difficulty is in the fact that I don't really support the civil institution of marriage. I don't see why any government should be in the business of telling its citizens how to construct their relationships. More confusing still is when I hear people who argue for smaller government also arguing for new laws and constitutional amendments that specifically ban the freedom of a person to choose with whom to share her or his life. It doesn't take much time to clear this up, though.
If you know someone who is opposed to same-sex marriage ask her or him to give you a reason for their opposition that does not involve religion—a purely secular reason. My guess is they won't be able to do it. The closest I have heard is conjecture as to the financial interest aligned with marriage. Not only does this not seem practical to me—I haven't read any research on the topic—but I strongly doubt that the average person who opposes same-sex marriage does so for such a reason. (Not to mention that this issue is often put up to public vote and isn't decided by lawmakers per se.)
The reason almost always (I say almost to cover my ass as I am more inclined to forgo the word entirely) is a moral one based on the individual's religion which more often then not in the US is Christian. Now, some of my friends might be prompted to address the biblical stance on same-sex relationship citing research on Mosaic law and the writings of Paul. While I find such discussions interesting, I don't really care about these discussions in relation to contemporary same-sex marriage debates because, frankly, they don't matter at all. The average Christian hasn't even read the bible let alone researched the writings of Paul, ancient Hebrew etymology, or sociopolitical landscapes of biblical times—that isn't the source of their opposition. (If you want to argue with a theologian or biblical historian it might be useful but it is not the aggregate of their votes which are deciding this ballot measure from state to state.) Their opposition comes from morality.
Enter the Christian concept of free will. Any discussion of morality with a Christian will likely result in a debate about free will. Without free will, morality is meaningless. If someone or something else is making your decisions for you or if you are simply incapable of decision then you are amoral. If the Christian believes that god opposes same-sex marriages and believes that god give us free will without which morality is meaningless how then can she or he oppose same-sex marriage?
If you believe your god gave me the right to choose right from wrong how dare you take my (supposedly) god-given free will from me?
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